The Great Disconnect by David Brown As a professional clinician, I have been ruminating on the possibility that as therapists and other forms of helpers, we often deny our own embedded emotional pain, trauma, shame and vulnerability.  I think we often will use our professional role as a basis for deciding that our best course of action is to keep burying that pain because if we allowed others access to it, they might think less of us or view us …

The Value of PACE in Parenting by Lisa Frede Have you noticed that “parenting as usual” seems to be backfiring with your child? Do you have a child that retaliates with rage and aggression to traditional discipline? Rather than using conventional behavior modification strategies which may trigger rejection and shame (and the big behaviors that often accompany them), try using PACE.  In his book, Building the Bonds of Attachment, Daniel Hughes spells out an effective way of being with children …

“Get away from me!” screamed Tommy. Joan, his foster mother, teared up.  These outbursts were becoming more frequent and no matter how much she tried to draw close to 11-year-old Tommy, he would consistently push her away.  She was at a loss as to how to help him.  Every attempt to affirm, hug and encourage him seemed to only draw further aggression and avoidance. For many kids like Tommy who have a history of complex trauma, this behaviour is not …

By Kenzi Dirks, M.A., R.C.C. Twelve-year-old Willow sat on the corner of my office couch, handling some Play-Dough from my box of fidget toys. From the outside, no one would suspect that this intelligent and confident pre-teen was used by her biological father for sexual purposes. Having been adopted for almost two years, Willow’s parents felt like she was continuing to “bottle everything up”.  She just would not talk about how she was feeling. Furthermore, Willow’s parents were receiving school …

It is important to note that all attachment is relational and interactive –that a child will have a different attachment relationship with each of his or her main caregivers. Attachment isn’t something that is just about the child. It is always about a particular relationship. So any child might learn more than one attachment style, although this will be most influenced by the parent(s) or caregiver(s) who are the ones most available when the child is an infant and toddler. Theoretically, a child can be securely attached to one caregiver and avoidant in their attachment to another.